Wedding Art - Beautiful Wedding Dresses made of Toilet Paper

Yes! And very beautiful they are. Obviously easy to recycle - but you won't be making it over for your children's wedding. Good for the paintball wedding, perhaps?
No text for this, and no text on the Anjari site, which has lots of lovely art projects. UPDATE: The source for these dress is probably the annual CheapChic Weddings Toilet Paper dress competition

So here's two samples. Go enjoy the rest.

Paintball wedding?

Why not? This post is for a good friend, who is invited to a paintball wedding. The bride will wear white, others will wear - whatever. Theme weddings are just that - if you're not worried about Grandma Dorothy and Your MOM - go ahead and have fun. We've married people in boats, in shorts, on the bridge, and in coffee shops. Paintball sounds like fun. But you might want to take before and after pictures...


[Corset cover, ca. 1914, American.Museum at the Fashion Institute of Technology]

For fans of OVERLY organized weddings (no flying paint), consider a Steampunk wedding. [And if you're not a fan of William Gibson or Jules Verne or Mary Shelley, just reference the dirigible and the other toys in the Golden Compass movie... Here's a wiki on Steampunk].

Vegan wedding cakes and veggie menus

If you're vegan, veggie, raw or just light on the planet (or if ONE of you is veggie, like many couples) you'll need to talk about the wedding menu. My Minnesota relatives are very kind, but they think vegetarian means tuna casserole. A full Indian vegetarian wedding would be yummy and wonderful and colorful and aromatic - and give most of them heartburn. And vegan wedding cakes are a challenge - no eggs, butter, or milk or refined sugar.
That's why most vegan wedding cakes I've found are variations of Carrot Cake (or zucchini chocolate cake) with oil and flaxseed instead of eggs. But of course you want them to be PRETTY, too. And organic. And fair trade. And YUMMY. Here is a really nice vegetarian wedding menu, with an awfully pretty cake. And the menu is inspired. Don't settle for boring pasta, bruschetta and mock meatballs - plan a seasonal menu or buffet that's unique. We'll add to our link list of real wedding menus as we find them.
Here's the neat vegetarian wedding menu

Organic, Natural Wedding Dresses

As long as we're talking about
Red Dresses - we could discuss the trendy organic hemp dress. Of course the best eco-move would be to use your mom's wedding dress (and pay someone to alter it, thus aiding a small business). Or get a funky dress from Goodwill or Value Village and have it altered. There's a company in Quebec that will put 3 dresses together and make a new one! Fun stuff.

Below are some suggestions from Treehugger.com, and you can see the full list we're building at: agreenbride.

wholly-jo: Wholly Jo’s is an ethical wedding gown designer and dressmaker based in Uxbridge, West London. "We make our gowns from organic, fair trade and cruelty-free products. We use Peace Silks (vegetarian), and organic cotton and hemp fabrics".
Olivia Luca Another option is from Olivia Luca in Portland, Oregon. "On our web site you can use our fun interactive tool to design your own dress and choose the fabric - for organic cotton, hemp/silk, and 100% silk wedding dresses". All locally sewn.
Rawganique : "Finest hemp linen fabric especially woven for the occasion. Made in Europe: no sweatshop, child labor, or underwaged labor. Designer styling: Fully & voluptuously lined all through with wild raw silk. Simple. Elegant. Utterly beautiful. Completely sustainable". note: Hemp Clothing & Organic Cotton Products created from clean energy on Mac core duo's using solar panels & wind generator, Denman Island, BC. Vegan owners.
"Conscious Clothing of Santa Fe has been making environmentally and ecologically-conscious hemp, hemp/silk and hemp/tencel bridal garments or wedding gowns for environmentally-aware people for years."
and for TRULY recyclable, see this collection of wedding dresses made of toilet paper.

Divorced Parents at your wedding: Family Drama

You don't want drama at your wedding. If your parents are fairly amicably divorced, you will be able to work out wedding protocols, ceremony processions, receiving line and seating problems by asking each of them what they are willing to do to make the wedding go smoothly. The mother of the bride should usually be seated in the first seat in the ceremony, and the father of the bride can certainly walk his daughter down the aisle. In a Jewish wedding, both parents can walk their daughter/son to the front. This is not a day for the parents to revisit their own weddings/divorces, it is the wedding of their child, and the wedding protocols should focus on the parents' relationship to their children, not to each other. If the parents don't wish to sit together, they can sit with their new spouses/ partners/ other relatives, on either side of the aisle, or in rows behind each other.

If the parent's separation is full of angst (still not talking to each other, upset about new partners), you'll need to speak to each parent separately and offer your 'conditions' for them being invited to your wedding. You can always elope, or have a wedding with friends and other family, and you can tell them this is an option. They can agree to sit on opposite sides of the aisle, at opposite tables (not at the head table) and generally manage to avoid each other at the wedding. It's a good idea to assign relatives or friends as 'minders', to keep each faction occupied, and feeling attended to, so the bride and groom don't have to play therapist.

Here's a discussion of various scenarios, with some etiquette on how to handle divorced parents:
Frugalbride.com/divorced parents
Divorce - Printable version

Should you change your name at marriage?

Think carefully about this question.
The important points are:

1) Neither bride nor groom is required to change their surname to get married. (You may remain Jane Pepsi and John Cola). You may keep your original name for professional reasons, family reasons, or because that's who you are.
2) Either bride or groom or both MAY change their surname. (You may both become Mr and Mrs Pepsi-Cola, or Pepsico, or ColaPepsi, or many other variants. John Cola might become John Pepsi. You might choose to become Mr and Mrs. Dr.Pepper. You might use your former last name as a middle name, aka Hilary Rodham Clinton: Jane Pepsi Cola). But note that only CLINTON or COLA will be the OFFICIAL last name, unless you hyphenate.
3) You do not have to decide to change your name at the time of the wedding. You may change your name(s) any time afterwards - for instance, if you have children.
4) You cannot go BACK and change your actual marriage license if you change your mind at a later date about a new surname: you will have to go through a legal process to make any changes in the future. (Mrs. Pepsi-Cola may not have her marriage license altered to change her name back to Jane Pepsi. But she may make a court petition to change her name back to Jane Pepsi. The marriage license will remain Pepsi-Cola, as that's what she decided the day she applied for the license).
5) Once you change your legal names, you'll need to change: social security, drivers license, passport, voter registration, (IRS - address change only), vehicle title/ registration, workplace, financial institutions, insurance, medical, utilities, credit cards etc. There are a number of online kits that have forms and detailed instructions on where to send each form (or if you need to make a personal appearance) as well as what additional documentation you'll need.

Therefore, when in doubt, do nothing.

Here is general information, and the regulations vary state by state. family.findlaw.com/
Changing your Name: Printable version

Marriage License Regulations State x State

Marriage License Regulations State x State

Marriage law regulations change State by State. There are many websites that give State regulations - but be careful, don't follow out-of-date information. The regulations govern WHO can be married, including how old you are, whether first cousins can marry, etc., and WHO CAN MARRY YOU (regulations for how clergy or civil officiants are licensed in your state).

Here is a link to the Findlaw list of marriage license info for each state: family.findlaw.com. Here is a chart from Cornell University Law School on the age requirements to obtain a license: Age Requirements for marriage. Here is a wikipedia article on age of consent around the world, and also a list of US states. Here is an article on same-sex marriages in Massachusetts, including a discussion of residency requirements. It also discusses same-sex marriage in Canada. (Mary is also licensed to marry same-sex couples in Canada. See WeddingsofToronto.com)for rules for how to obtain a marriage license in Ontario, Canada.

The best thing is to check with your local City Clerk, (sometimes called Marriage Bureau clerk) in your municipality or county, to see what documents you need to bring. For instance, in North Carolina and New Mexico, you have to bring your Social Security ID, but not in New York. Some big cities (like New York City) have further regulations than smaller towns in the same state, such as requiring registration of marriage officiants with the city before performing marriages.

Some states will allow you to download the license form first, fill it out and bring it in. But in all cases, the couple will have to go to the license borough in person, together. You will most certainly have to prove who you are, where you were born, how old you are, probably the names and birthplace of your parents, and whether you have any previous marriages.

If you have been divorced, each state has different regulations for the information you will need to bring, which may include the disposition of the divorce, the location of the former spouse (living or dead), etc.

There are various rules for age of majority (how old you need to be to get married without parental permission), for the waiting period between filing a license and being married, etc. BE SURE TO CHECK STATE MARRIAGE REQUIREMENTS and check again with your local city clerk. Here is another website with info on State Regulations - but it's hard to tell if the information is current. Be sure to check. The State Marriage requirements will also tell you who is authorized to perform marriages in your area.

Alternative Wedding Gift Registry

There are many ideas for an "alternative" gift registry - from requesting guests send donations directly to organizations to organic gift registries. See our discussion on alternative and ethical gift registries at ethicalceremonies.com. We'll keep building the list of alternative registries at agreenbride.com

See our Ethical donation list.

Eloping vs the Big Wedding

This is a personal decision, of course - and the decision should be unanimous between the couple.

In ancient times, people got 'married' by the bride moving to the husband's house (or, of course, in some cultures, the reverse). Gifts were exchanged, cattle and clothing and bread and food. The community understood that this was a family unit.

Later, a civil or religious officiant would legalize/ solemnize/ bless the marriage, by conducting some sort of rite. In the middle ages, a traveling priest might come by the village and marry everyone in the spring, and baptize all the new babies, all at the same time.

In Celtic areas, the couple might be handfasted for a year and a day, and then decide to become legally married at the end of that time. The traditions of the Jewish ketubah, or the Quaker marriage certificate and other ceremonies which involve the guests and parents signing a ceremonial document are related the traditions of how the community views the moral and legal obligations of the couple toward each other.

In Jewish tradition, a couple usually signs the ketubah before the ceremony. The ketubah is written in Aramaic, and the bride and groom write their Hebrew names in the blanks in the marriage contract, then the rabbi signs the contract. Modern Ketubahs may have English decorations, and many are unique works of art. Some have spaces for the family and witnesses to sign at the reception.

In Quaker tradition, the bride and groom sign a large, beautiful Marriage Certificate, which is then also signed by all the family and guests. This involves the community, and makes the marriage binding to each of its witnesses as well as to the couple. The certificate is usually framed and placed in the home.

The LEGAL part of a marriage ceremony does not require the community to be there - or the parents, or the friends. A witness will do - but that witness is 'representing' the community, and civil society. When couples choose to be legally married in an 'elopement', they often have a wedding ceremony or a wedding blessing or a family party later. Sometimes this is for practical reasons, such as visas running out, or travel, or scattered family members, so a couple will have two ceremonies on different continents - one legal, one ceremonial. Sometimes this is done on the same day in a second marriage, such as the wedding of Prince Charles and Camilla, which was a civil ceremony followed by a service of blessing.

A couple may have a private wedding for personal reasons, with a marriage announcement at a later date. And some couples pledge their troth to each other in a commitment ceremony, without a legal component, just an ethical one. Some have handfasting (or betrothal) ceremonies which they consider binding. A vow renewal is an example of a wedding ceremony without a legal ceremony, as well.

If you are having two ceremonies, a legal, private wedding and a future wedding blessing with a larger group of friends or family, you can save your rings for the second ceremony, perhaps, and have a Wedding Blessing and a Blessing of Rings for your second ceremony. Your family might also like to participate in the second Wedding Blessing, offering readings or blessings or a candle-lighting or other appropriate rituals.

Some cultural traditions also have several separate ceremonies on several days. Some of these ceremonies are vestiges of earlier village rituals, where the bride or groom makes a journey to the house of the new relatives, and offers food or gifts (such as the Tea Ceremony, in some Asian cultures, and the large Wedding Banquet with the required special courses.) The modern wedding showers and rehearsal dinners are vestiges of these earlier rituals.

Our grandparents were often married at home, or went off to the registry office to be married in a bigger city, and returned home for the wedding reception, with pot luck food and the parlor decorated. Our modern elaborate weddings are not as old a tradition as they sometimes seem.

This is YOUR decision. You can combine the legal and the ceremonial events, or hold them separately,and at separate times, or hold only one part - the legal wedding or the wedding ceremony. Your officiant will always be happy to discuss these variations with you, and help you through the planning for each.

Big Wedding or Eloping: Printable Version
See elopenewyork.com, our other blog, for more discussions of eloping.

Here is an article on the simple LEGAL components of a marriage ceremony.

Having your wedding cake and eating it too

I think I'll write a long post about the history of wedding cake - its all about the Romans and who is to be master in the home. But not right now. So here's a nice little history essay hudsonvalleyweddings.com.
(It's kind of a tribute to make your own cake, really. We made my daughter's cake - all 7 layers, and borrowed the kid's lincoln logs to hold up the layers, & ran out to the garden to find enough daisies to hide the cracks in the icing - you can cover any mistakes with chocolate ganache!) Anyway, my husband's a chef, so it was an honor for him to make the cake.

Here is a really interesting BRIT recipe for a chocolate wedding cake that uses olive oil: Brit Choco Cake.

You ask: what's with all the stuffing cake in your face game, or cutting the cake with a sword? Can you cut a cupcake tree with a sword? And WHY o WHY the horrible fondant sticky goo that you have to PEEL OFF to eat the cake?
Here's a little wiki on how to save on your cake: wiki-weddingcake