How many attendants? Who cares!

I used to watch Bridezilla once in a while, until it gave me hives. Such worrying, such angst - the poor brides, it seemed more like Olympic training for "event competition" than wedding planning...where was the joy? Out the window with the fired wedding planner, in most cases.

The worst segment involved a bride whose groom decided at the last minute to add one more groomsman (a good friend), thus 'unbalancing' her symmetric arrangement of bridesmaids. She drummed her fingers on the table, insisted that he 'fire' the extra groomsman, and then announced that she had a secret weapon, if he insisted on ruining her perfect wedding, she would simply PHOTOSHOP the extra groomsman out of the wedding pictures.

Many people ask us about the 'right' number of attendants, and whether each groomsman should have a matching bridesmaid of equal height. Of course, we have no opinions on this question, because the choice of supporters to stand up with you on your wedding day is actually determined by WHY you have chosen your wedding party, what the people mean to you, and who you wish to include and honor in this important event.

The JOB of the attendants is simple: to act as witnesses and supporters as the two of you declare your intention, in front of family and friends, to live together as a family unit. The reason you have 'attendants' is so that there is a properly witnesses legal record that you have agreed to be married to each other in a public forum. The officiant asks the questions, and RECORDS your decision for the State's records, the witness/s sign the license to state that they were there as impartial historical observers of this contract. In earlier days, they would represent the villagers in your town, all agreeing that you are an official couple, because they were there when you agreed to be partners. And then you all broke bread together (or cake) and sealed the deal. In practical terms, modern witnesses/attendants may help seat guests (in addition to ushers) hold your rings and flowers, help with your dress, keep an eye on the ringbearer, sign the license, read some passages, propose the toast, and do little jobs like fix your makeup, and pay the band.

You do not need a maid of honor and a best man at all, of course. A person serving as a witness can do all of the above jobs. In sentimental terms, you may want your sister, best friend, room-mate, or any other special person to stand beside you as a supporter. The bride may choose a brother or male supporter, the groom can ask a close female friend as a supporter. The sides do NOT have to be even in number! If you are having a formal procession, the supporters generally come in one x one, and uneven numbers leave together in 2s and 3s - arm in arm. It does not matter at all what gender and what side. A few years ago, female attendants on the groom's side often wore tuxes - but this seems to be fading.

(As for photoshop, of course you could just pop in anyone you want - Matt Damon, Penelope Cruz - or have a digital frame and change it up hourly. Ah, neurotic bridezilla alternate reality 2nd Life - not).