The whole issue of "obey" in the wedding service keeps popping up. I answered this again on Yahoo (here's a copy) explaining that the original churches who used this form, the Catholic and the Anglican/Episcopal, have now dropped it. So there's no reason for anybody to tell you to include it in the ceremony.
If you want some alternative vows, both modern and traditional, which emphasize the equal, cooperative, reciprocal bond of marriage, see this FAQ post on vows.
You may also enjoy our updated Medieval Ceremony, which takes out both "Obey" and the religious references. We updated the medieval request for the bride to be "buxom and bonny in bed and in board" (fun!) with a charge to groom to be "hale and hearty at bed and at board" - it only works if both people promise!
Monday
Non-sexist wedding vows
